Discernment Counseling

We are not sure if we want to stay married. Should we even try couples counseling?

Discernment Counseling might be a good fit for you if:

  • One or both of you isn’t sure if you want to save the marriage or if it’s worth saving.
  • One or both of you can’t see how things could change enough to save the relationship; you don’t know where to start fixing things.
  • Conversations between you don’t seem to get you anywhere productive and leave both of you feeling hurt, frustrated, or feeling hopeless about the marriage.


“I’ll make changes here, when you start doing this.”

“I’ll try on days I feel ok about the relationship, but when it gets hard, I’ll fantasize and prepare for divorce.”

You will gain understanding and confidence about what steps to could move your marriage in a different direction and your own desires in the relationship.

You will explore how each of you contributed to the problems your marriage is facing and ways you may be perpetuating negative patterns.

You will develop a deeper understanding of the relationship today so you can decide whether to continue the status quo, repair things, or be done with the relationship.


The first 1-5 sessions you can determine whether you would like to commit to a longer period of couples counseling work. You may decide that you are willing to consider trying if that could change the look of your relationship; or you might decide that you are not willing to put in any more work. No pressure! The choice belongs to each individual whether to continue working on the relationship.

Your counselor will approach you without judgement regardless of what you ultimately decide. They are not there to judge you or convince you and will attempt to help your partner avoid the same. Your counselor will also help you explore the possibility of restoring the relationship and what that might look like.

Sessions are divided between couple conversations and individual sessions with each spouse and the therapist. You will look at your problems from your perspective, your spouse’s, and an objective therapist to better understand what has gotten you where you are and each of your contributions to the problems.

You will agree to a particular time frame for the discernment process. During that time you agree to fully participate, stop threatening divorce in the midst of conflict, stop assuming that your partner will ultimately decide to stay married and focus on your own understanding, change, and growth. Your counselor will help you decide on your commitments during the process and try to help make sure you “fight fair” throughout.

At the end of the process you may have an improved marriage and renewed commitment, but if you choose to walk away, you will also know that you did all you could to see if things could be resolved. You will also better understand patterns of disfunction or pain, so you will be less likely to continue repeating them in future relationships.

Call the office today at 651-560-0050 to try discernment counseling for your marriage.


We at Threads of Hope Counseling care deeply for you, your families, and our community. As the concern regarding the spread of COVID-19 increases worldwide, Threads of Hope is prepared to reduce the spread of illness by following the expert guidance from the Centers for Disease Control and the Minnesota Department of Health. MDH continues to stress common-sense illness prevention strategies such as sanitizing surfaces, covering your cough and sneezes, and frequent hand washing.

If you are experiencing signs and symptoms of a viral respiratory infection including fever, cough, and shortness of breath or if you or someone you have been in contact with traveled internationally in the last 14 days, please DO NOT come to our office. Instead we are happy to offer you telemedicine (online video) services.

Telemedicine appointments are HIPAA secure, do not require any downloads, and can be accessed on any device with microphone and internet access. Ask your provider or the administrative staff if this is a service you’d like to pursue.

Additionally, there is a lot of misinformation being spread regarding this virus which has inspired significant anxiety in many in the community. Look here for ideas on how to reduce your fear while remaining wise in facing the uncertainty of this disease.
We are here for you and there is always hope.