How to be Married to a Depressed Person from Someone who has Lived it

By Jenny Beall, Therapist, MA, LPCC

©September, 2017 Threads of Hope Counseling

So setting aside my experience working with people with depression on a daily basis—living with someone with this disorder is HARD!! In this I can speak from personal experience. Living with a depressed spouse can be painful, exhausting, aggravating, lonely, and overwhelming. That being said, there are ways to make it easier.

You Can’t be your Spouse’s Therapist.

You cannot—and should not—be your spouse’s therapist. (And this is coming from a therapist!) The therapy relationship is inherently one sided- meaning we are there for your needs and goals, but you have no responsibility to take care of us. This works well in the counseling office and is helpful for the client’s healing; but it would be a terrible model for a marriage. Marriage needs balance—even if sometimes the scales are heavily leaning to one side.

Remember: Their depression is NOT about you.

You cannot hold yourself responsible for your spouse’s feelings. You did not single-handedly MAKE them depressed; nor can you MAKE them happy again. Their depression is not about you—even if you have a lot of stress or conflict in your marriage! Depression is caused by a number of factors including environmental stressors, negative thought patterns, brain chemistry, and genes. The brain of a depressed person is physiologically different from that of a non-depressed person; and you are not capable of creating that change in your partner.

Your Spouse May Not Be Able to be Their Best Self While in the Pit

Depressed partners can be withdrawn, moody, irritable, low energy, selfish, needy, and rejecting. (This is not to say that any depressed person behaves exactly the same as another, or to say that they are bad or unloving people). Your partner may not be trying to cause you pain, but this is an unfortunate side effect of the disease. It’s hard to understand if you’ve never experienced the pit, just how dark, confusing, and lonely it can actually be. Understanding makes it easier, but NOT EASY. You can help your partner by understanding (or trying to understand) what they are going through and not personalizing their behavior. You can coach yourself in hard moments like, “My partner didn’t ask about how my day was…this does not mean he doesn’t love me, this is because in his depression he is less able to focus on my needs.”

Their Depression is NOT an Excuse for Bad Behavior

Even though depression is a difficult disease to deal with; you are still part of a partnership and you can ask that your basic needs be met. For example: Depression can cause irritability, but you can still ask to be treated with basic respect. Depression can cause fatigue, but you can still ask that your partner find ways to spend time with you, or get treatment in order to work and support your family. Depression can cause negative thoughts and even suicidal thinking in some individuals, but you can still ask your partner to get professional help rather than expecting you to keep them safe. Professionals may be needed in order to help you better understand and set healthy limits with a depressed spouse.

Seek the RIGHT KIND of Support

It takes a village (or at least one person with skills and training) to help your partner dig themselves out of their hole and you need support too. Be careful about who you go to for support; generally speaking: family members are too close to you to remain unbiased and supportive of your marriage. If you go to your parents or siblings to vent you may move past an issue, but they can have trouble letting go and it can lead to resentment and rifts between your family and your partner. If you family members are generally supportive, it’s ok to acknowledge that your partner is dealing with depression and you are seeking help, or to ask for prayer, but that is usually the extent of sharing you’d want to do with close family.

Additionally, be careful when sharing with friends to ensure that you are speaking with people who are supportive of your relationship and your spouse. There is a difference between seeking support and complaining about your spouse; and the latter should probably be reserved for sessions with a skilled therapist who can encourage you through the hard times rather than helping you stay there.

 You can’t Pour from an Empty Cup

Self-care is critical if you are married to someone who is in a depression. Some of your emotional needs may not be met in your marriage during this season. It’s important in the hard seasons to take care of yourself. Seek opportunities for connection with supportive friends, pursue hobbies that you enjoy, exercise, eat a healthy diet, volunteer, attend a life-giving church, seek personal growth, take bubble baths, go for walks, pray, read inspiring blogs, consume chocolate as needed and get your own counseling to feel strengthened and encouraged.

198 thoughts on “How to be Married to a Depressed Person from Someone who has Lived it”

  1. Pingback: living with a depressed spouse - konkeng & konkeng

  2. Pingback: processbuild48083.wixsite.comsdehnkys

  3. Pingback: canadian cialis

  4. Pingback: kernyusa.estranky.skclankyrisk-factors-linked-to-anxiety-disorders-differ-between-women-and-men-during-the-pandemic.html

  5. Pingback: canadian pharmacycanadian pharmacy

  6. Pingback: https://andere.strikingly.com/

  7. Pingback: https://keuybc.estranky.sk/clanky/30-facts-you-must-know--a-covid-cribsheet.html

  8. Pingback: canada pharmacies online

  9. Pingback: https://telegra.ph/Is-It-Safe-To-Lift-COVID-19-Travel-Bans-04-06

  10. Pingback: https://graph.org/The-Way-To-Get-Health-Care-At-Home-During-COVID-19---Health--Fitness-04-07

  11. Pingback: chubo3.wixsite.comcanadian-pharmacypostwhat-parents-must-find-out-about-kids-and-covid-19

  12. Pingback: canadian pharmacy cialis

  13. Pingback: https://pharmacy-online.yolasite.com/

  14. Pingback: online pharmacy canada

  15. Pingback: canadian medications

  16. Pingback: https://seketu.gonevis.com/high-10-tips-with-order-medicine-online-1/

  17. Pingback: canadian pharmacy no prescription

  18. Pingback: 625a9a98d5fa7.site123.meblogage-dependence-of-healthcare-interventions-for-covid-19-in-ontario-canada

  19. Pingback: canadian pharmacies

  20. Pingback: selomns.gonevis.coma-modified-age-structured-sir-model-for-covid-19-type-viruses

  21. Pingback: https://trosorin.mystrikingly.com/

  22. Pingback: https://sasnd0.wixsite.com/cialis/post/impotent-victims-can-now-cheer-up-try-generic-tadalafil-men-health

  23. Pingback: buy cheap cialis no prescription

  24. Pingback: https://generic-cialis-20-mg.yolasite.com/

  25. Pingback: https://hsoybn.estranky.sk/clanky/tadalafil-from-india-vs-brand-cialis---sexual-health.html

  26. Pingback: skuvsbs.gonevis.comwhen-tadalafil-5mg-competitors-is-good

  27. Pingback: buy cialis pills online

  28. Pingback: site373681070.fo.team

  29. Pingback: https://sehytv.wordpress.com/

  30. Pingback: prescription drugs without prior prescription

  31. Pingback: kerbgsw.mystrikingly.com

  32. Pingback: kuebser.estranky.skclankysupereasy-methods-to-study-every-part-about-online-medicine-order-discount.html

  33. Pingback: kewertyn.wordpress.com20220427expect-more-virtual-house-calls-out-of-your-doctor-thanks-to-telehealth-revolution

  34. Pingback: https://kerbiss.wordpress.com/2022/04/27/14/

  35. Pingback: https://heswcxc.wordpress.com/2022/04/30/online-medicine-tablets-shopping-promotion-one-hundred-and-one/

  36. Pingback: sernert.estranky.skclankyconfidential-information-on-online-pharmacies.html

  37. Pingback: buy viagra online usa

  38. Pingback: 626f977eb31c9.site123.mebloghow-google-is-changing-how-we-approach-online-order-medicine-1

  39. Pingback: https://canadian-pharmaceuticals-online.yolasite.com/

  40. Pingback: online-pharmacies0.yolasite.com

  41. Pingback: online canadian pharmacy

  42. Pingback: canada online pharmacies

  43. Pingback: kertyun.flazio.com

  44. Pingback: https://kerntyas.gonevis.com/the-mafia-guide-to-online-pharmacies/

  45. Pingback: canadian pharmacies

  46. Pingback: http://nanos.jp/jmp?url=http://cialisonlinei.com/

  47. Pingback: http://ime.nu/cialisonlinei.com

  48. Pingback: womed7.wixsite.compharmacy-onlinepostnew-ideas-into-canada-pharmacies-never-before-revealed

  49. Pingback: online canadian pharmacies

  50. Pingback: https://sekyuna.gonevis.com/three-step-guidelines-for-online-pharmacies/

  51. Pingback: gewrt.usluga.me

  52. Pingback: pharmacy-online.webflow.io

  53. Pingback: top rated online canadian pharmacies

  54. Pingback: buy viagra usa

  55. Pingback: canadian pharmacies online

  56. Pingback: https://site561571227.fo.team/

  57. Pingback: buy viagra 25mg

  58. Pingback: canadian pharmacies online prescriptions

  59. Pingback: kawsear.fwscheckout.com

  60. Pingback: hertnsd.nethouse.ru

  61. Pingback: uertbx.livejournal.com402.html

  62. Pingback: canadian prescription drugstore

  63. Pingback: avuiom.sellfy.store

  64. Pingback: https://pharmacies.bigcartel.com/

  65. Pingback: https://kwersd.mystrikingly.com/

  66. Pingback: online pharmacies

  67. Pingback: https://kqwsh.wordpress.com/2022/05/16/what-everybody-else-does-when-it-comes-to-online-pharmacies/

  68. Pingback: site592154748.fo.team

  69. Pingback: canadian pharmacies mail order

  70. Pingback: https://asebg.bigcartel.com/canadian-pharmacy

  71. Pingback: canada pharmacies

  72. Pingback: site955305180.fo.team

  73. Pingback: canadian pharmaceuticals online

  74. Pingback: https://www.divephotoguide.com/user/Pharmacy

  75. Pingback: kwerks.iwopop.com

  76. Pingback: https://hub.docker.com/r/pharmacies/online

  77. Pingback: canadian pharmacies mail order

  78. Pingback: https://kasheras.livejournal.com/283.html

  79. Pingback: kwxcva.estranky.czclankycialis-20-mg.html

  80. Pingback: tadalafil20mg.proweb.cz

  81. Pingback: owzpkg.zombeek.cz

  82. Pingback: where to buy cialis online

  83. Pingback: buycialisonline.teachable.com

  84. Pingback: kalwer.micro.blog

  85. Pingback: https://my.desktopnexus.com/Buycialis/journal/cialis-without-a-doctor-prescription-38780/

  86. Pingback: https://www.divephotoguide.com/user/buycialisonline

  87. Pingback: https://tadalafil20mg.webflow.io/

  88. Pingback: kswbnh.nethouse.ru

  89. Pingback: https://form.jotform.com/ogmyn/buycialisonline

  90. Pingback: linktr.eebuycialisonline

  91. Pingback: buy cialis delhi

  92. Pingback: graph.orgTadalafil-20mg-08-13

  93. Pingback: https://kwenzx.nethouse.ru/

  94. Pingback: canada drug pharmacy

  95. Pingback: https://form.jotform.com/ycaatk/canadian-pharmaceuticals-online-lis

  96. Pingback: canada drug pharmacy

  97. Pingback: telegra.phReputable-canadian-pharmaceuticals-online-08-12

  98. Pingback: graph.orgPharmacies-in-canada-shipping-to-usa-08-12

  99. Pingback: northwest pharmacy canada

  100. Pingback: canadian rx world pharmacy

  101. Pingback: https://linktr.ee/canadianpharmacies

  102. Pingback: buyviagraonlinee.mystrikingly.com

  103. Pingback: buy viagra no rx

  104. Pingback: https://buyviagraonline.flazio.com/

  105. Pingback: https://buyviagraonline.fo.team/

  106. Pingback: where to buy viagra online

  107. Pingback: buyviagraonlinet.wordpress.com

  108. Pingback: https://buyviagraonl.livejournal.com/386.html

  109. Pingback: buy viagra cheap

  110. Pingback: buy viagra online without a prescription

  111. Pingback: buy viagra online best price

  112. Pingback: buyviagraonline.zombeek.cz

  113. Pingback: http://jso7c59f304.iwopop.com/

  114. Pingback: buyviagraonline.bigcartel.comviagra-without-a-doctor-prescription

  115. Pingback: buyviagraonline.teachable.com

  116. Pingback: buy viagra online safely

  117. Pingback: graph.orgBuying-viagra-without-a-prescription-08-18

  118. Pingback: buy generic viagra

  119. Pingback: my.desktopnexus.combuyviagraonlinejournalonline-viagra-without-a-prescriptuon-38932

  120. Pingback: www.divephotoguide.comuserbuyviagraonline

  121. Pingback: buy viagra online without a prescription

  122. Pingback: viagrawithoutprescription.webflow.io

  123. Pingback: https://form.jotform.com/222341315941044

  124. Pingback: linktr.eebuyviagraonline

  125. Pingback: https://buyviagraonline.home.blog/

  126. Pingback: canadianpharmaceuticalsonline.home.blog

  127. Pingback: onlineviagra.mystrikingly.com

  128. Pingback: reallygoodemails.comonlineviagra

  129. Pingback: buy viagra online

  130. Pingback: https://viagraonlineee.wordpress.com/

  131. Pingback: https://viagraonline.home.blog/

  132. Pingback: https://viagraonlinee.livejournal.com/492.html

  133. Pingback: onlineviagra.flazio.com

  134. Pingback: https://onlineviagra.fo.team/

  135. Pingback: canadian drugstore

  136. Pingback: canadian pharmacy no prescription

  137. Pingback: canadian drugstore

  138. Pingback: viagra canada

  139. Pingback: dailygram.comindex.phpblog1155353we-know-quite-a-bit-about-covid-19

  140. Pingback: challonge.comencanadianpharmaceuticalsonlinemt

  141. Pingback: https://500px.com/p/listofcanadianpharmaceuticalsonline

  142. Pingback: https://www.seje.gov.mz/question/canadian-pharmacies-shipping-to-usa/

  143. Pingback: canadian online pharmacies

  144. Pingback: https://challonge.com/en/canadianpharmaceuticalsonlinetousa

  145. Pingback: canadian pharmacy viagra brand

  146. Pingback: best canadian pharmacies online

  147. Pingback: reallygoodemails.comcanadianpharmaceuticalsonline

  148. Pingback: northwest pharmacies

  149. Pingback: https://pinshape.com/users/2441621-canadian-pharmaceutical-companies

  150. Pingback: reallygoodemails.comcanadianpharmaceuticalcompanies

  151. Pingback: pinshape.comusers2445987-order-stromectol-over-the-counter

  152. Pingback: https://reallygoodemails.com/orderstromectoloverthecounter

  153. Pingback: stromectol over the counter

  154. Pingback: https://500px.com/p/orderstromectoloverthecounter

  155. Pingback: https://www.seje.gov.mz/question/order-stromectol-over-the-counter-6/

  156. Pingback: canadajobscenter.comauthorbuystromectol

  157. Pingback: buy viagra online usa

  158. Pingback: aoc.stamford.eduprofilecanadianpharmaceuticalsonline

  159. Pingback: canadianpharmaceuticalsonline.bandcamp.comreleases

  160. Pingback: canadianpharmacy

  161. Pingback: https://www.provenexpert.com/canadian-pharmaceuticals-online/

  162. Pingback: aoc.stamford.eduprofileStromectol

  163. Pingback: ktqt.ftu.edu.vnenquestion listorder-stromectol-over-the-counter-10

  164. Pingback: stromectol for crabs

  165. Pingback: https://www.provenexpert.com/order-stromectol-over-the-counter12/

  166. Pingback: www.repairanswers.netquestionorder-stromectol-over-the-counter-2

  167. Pingback: stromectol for scabies

  168. Pingback: https://canadajobscenter.com/author/arpreparof1989/

  169. Pingback: https://aoc.stamford.edu/profile/goatunmantmen/

  170. Pingback: buying stromectol

  171. Pingback: web904.combuy-ivermectin-online-fitndance

  172. Pingback: https://glycvimepedd.bandcamp.com/releases

  173. Pingback: canadajobscenter.comauthorereswasint

  174. Pingback: aoc.stamford.eduprofilehispennbackwin

  175. Pingback: bursuppsligme.bandcamp.comreleases

  176. Pingback: buy viagra usa

  177. Pingback: pinshape.comusers2462760-order-stromectol-over-the-counter

  178. Pingback: https://pinshape.com/users/2462910-order-stromectol-online

  179. Pingback: 500px.com/p/phraspilliti

  180. Pingback: best canadian pharmacies online

  181. Pingback: https://500px.com/p/skulogovid/?view=groups

  182. Pingback: 500px.compbersavahi?view=groups

  183. Pingback: canadian pharmacy no prescription

  184. Pingback: https://www.provenexpert.com/canadian-pharmaceuticals-online-usa/

  185. Pingback: canadian pharmacy viagra

  186. Pingback: buy viagra now

  187. Pingback: https://haikudeck.com/canadian-pharmaceuticals-online-personal-presentation-827506e003

  188. Pingback: https://buyersguide.americanbar.org/profile/420642/0

  189. Pingback: https://experiment.com/users/canadianpharmacy

  190. Pingback: best canadian pharmacies online

  191. Pingback: https://challonge.com/esapenti

  192. Pingback: challonge.comgotsembpertvil

  193. Pingback: challonge.comcitlitigolf

  194. Pingback: stromectol online pharmacy

  195. Pingback: https://soncheebarxu.estranky.cz/clanky/stromectol-for-head-lice.html

  196. Pingback: lehyriwor.estranky.skclankystromectol-cream.html

  197. Pingback: buy stromectol fitndance

  198. Pingback: https://inflavnena.zombeek.cz/

Comments are closed.


We at Threads of Hope Counseling care deeply for you, your families, and our community. As the concern regarding the spread of COVID-19 increases worldwide, Threads of Hope is prepared to reduce the spread of illness by following the expert guidance from the Centers for Disease Control and the Minnesota Department of Health. MDH continues to stress common-sense illness prevention strategies such as sanitizing surfaces, covering your cough and sneezes, and frequent hand washing.

If you are experiencing signs and symptoms of a viral respiratory infection including fever, cough, and shortness of breath or if you or someone you have been in contact with traveled internationally in the last 14 days, please DO NOT come to our office. Instead we are happy to offer you telemedicine (online video) services.

Telemedicine appointments are HIPAA secure, do not require any downloads, and can be accessed on any device with microphone and internet access. Ask your provider or the administrative staff if this is a service you’d like to pursue.

Additionally, there is a lot of misinformation being spread regarding this virus which has inspired significant anxiety in many in the community. Look here for ideas on how to reduce your fear while remaining wise in facing the uncertainty of this disease.
We are here for you and there is always hope.